The Training Blog of jiruns

No, Nay, Never…

no nay never no more will I run on a treadmill…did it today because I wanted to get a strength training day in and still run at least 3 miles (my new goal is to run every day for as long as I can- 3 miles minimum). so, after doing my standard circuit of lifting and ab work, I debated running outside in the dark or stepping onto the treadmill. honestly, I have no fucking clue how people run on those things every day or ever for that matter. it is boring beyond belief (and, yes I wore an ipod as most people do, so dont tell me how much better it is with an ipod). here’s the thing, you are running in place and you can’t look around and see things going on around you. I did a mile or warm up- it was not intended as such, but my ipod came loose and I had to pause the machine. then I programmed in a 5k loop and ran the distance in just over 23 minutes. I did the required 2 minutes of warm down jogging that the machine is pre-programmed to do and was on my way. at least, I can say got in some running today.

after two days in a row on the trails, the treadmill was quite a contrast to the euphoria I feel trail-running. yesterday, I did six hill repeats at the Swarthmore College Arboretum on a nice incline that is mostly gravel trail. the beginning portion (100-125m) is grass and steep. it is a start that whoops your ass if you try to bust it out too soon. the workout lasted an hour with warm up, hills, and striders. it felt good to do a workout on the trails. the day before, I did an fairly tough 40+ minutes on similar trails with several hilly section to tax the lungs and the legs.

the past two days running has definitely been my saving grace. it was a year ago yesterday that my mom took the fall that lead to her eventual passing on Thanksgiving Day 2008. the year anniversary of the day did not sneak up on me. I knew it was coming. I thought a lot about it Saturday during my 4+ hours driving to and from the state XC meet in Hershey. that day marked the anniversary of the  last day I ate lunch with my mom. it was a Saturday, she was having as good a day as she had in the later stages of Alzheimer’s. I asked if she wanted to get lunch and she surprisingly said yes. I went to Chik-fil-A and got her a sandwich and desert. she loved desert more than anything else- that never changed, even the disease could not change that. she ate her sandwich and grabbed her fork and pulled the lemon pie across her small table and tried to sneak it before I could see. the smile on her face that day was priceless. I will never forget that day. she laughed and for an instant, I thought the Alzheimer’s had receded, gone into hiding or slipped away. it was not to be. but that day was amazing. the next day, I went to meet a girl for a date in Maryland. I called home on the drive back and my dad said the previous day was a mirage- she had an awful day on Sunday. Monday morning, in the midst of my class, one of the aides from the office knocked on my door and handed me the note- call my sister immediately, I had to get home asap. mom had fallen and hit her head. we got to the hospital and Dr. King _ a young female doctor with a pleasant smile and what seemed to be the perfect bedside manner _ gave us the news. mom had suffered a severe head injury and at her age and condition, there was not much that could be done. brain surgery would be risky at best, and more than likely fatal. Hospice care would be arranged and she would be kept comfortable and free from pain…it was two weeks later on Thanksgiving morning that I received the call from my brother that she had passed. I spent a full night with her during the process as she did with me when I was hospitalized as an infant. it was my payback for a lifetime dedicated to our family. this year has been difficult with all the firsts after the passing of someone so central to every aspect of my life.

having that anniversary so close to what would have been Lance’s 6th birthday has profoundly affected my mood over the last two weeks. I don’t like to dwell on the loss of my son when I am around those who do not know about it. I try like hell to act normal. but, this year would have been the start of school for him and tee ball and all the little things…at 42, time is beginning to run out on my dream of fatherhood. at this point, if I had a child this year, I would be 60 when he turned 18. not sure that would be fair to a kid- to have an old man for a dad. I am definitely not ruling it out, but it is a long shot. my decision to help out my dad at the moment and for the near future certainly has changed those plans…

but, whatever happens, I will still have my running…back to the trails tomorrow

Filed under: Uncategorized  |  Digg! this story.  |  Leave a Comment